She's Illogical (shescreamed) wrote,
She's Illogical

friends who put men first, even on your birthday

I am a little upset with my best friend, and I am someone that almost never gets angry, especially at women. She has been on this whole "I WILL NOT DIE ALONE" kick, and has been forcing herself to go on tons and tons of eHarmony dates, despite the fact that she doesn't even turn 26 for another month and a half. So some strange man that she meant on said website was coming all the way here to meet her. She told me that she had arranged it so she would still be able to make the birthday dinner she had planned with me in advance. I guess however she decided to cancel my dinner with me and spend extra time with him, she did not ever bother to inform me of this. Instead, her way of telling me was to completely ignore me for the week preceding my birthday, not answering my texts, emails, phone calls, etc. Since she usually calls me a lot I left her a Facebook comment asking her if she was okay since it was a little weird for her to be so silent for such a long period of time. She replied back that she was fine and was totally going to make my birthday dinner. I replied back asking her what time she was coming, no response. Then on the actual day of my birthday I finally call her and she says "Oh let's just do it another day, okay?" I say, no today is my birthday but it is almost over and then we never have to talk about it again. She says no, you have no say in the matter, I am still taking you out to dinner for your birthday. I hang up on her. She did not even apologize.

I am just annoyed that she canceled on me for a guy and then did not even tell me. On her birthday she had been upset because her boyfriend had been a dick to her and her only other friend had canceled on her and I cheered her up and went out of my way to do nice things for her.
Luckily, two of my nice coworkers bought me drinks for my birthday and hung out with me, but it just really made me upset to be dissed by my closest friend on my birthday. I feel like refusing to let her buy me dinner is immature, but I at least want an apology or some admission from her that she could have handled her cancellation better.
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My shittiest birthday also sucked because my (then) best friend had secret plans with a guy that she didn't tell me about. But that's a long story.

I'm sorry your birthday sucked! I'm glad you had nice coworkers to make it a bit less sucky.
Eh, it wasn't too awful, it was just a bad day--lots of rain plus I had PMS and a fever. I guess I just have been spoiled on my previous birthdays when a lot of people would come and dote on me.

I hope you got an apology from your friend, that is very self absorbed of her.
I don't think she felt like she had anything to apologize for; we're not friends anymore though!
yeah on my actual b-day my friend w/ a boyfriend flaked on me too, so I spent it alone. Sucked.
Aw poor you, total sign of a bad friend. This guy was not even my friend's boyfriend, he was just random stranger from online. I feel like telling her I will be too busy on her birthday because there are so many delicious men on OK Cupid to go on dates with, ha ha.
be sure to tell her exactly what you posted here! i don't see how she isn't seeing her fault, here, but i guess some people need it spelled out for them. i'd be furious and also refuse a later dinner. sheesh
I would say that it's okay to cancel birthday plans with a friend... although if she is your BEST friend it's a little weird for her to do that... but the keyword there is CANCEL. And with sufficient time for YOU to make other plans for god's sake. Ignoring you and letting you practically hound her and then only to tell you at the very last minute that she's not coming is downright selfish and rude.

I wouldn't count her as a best friend anymore if I were in your shoes, not necessarily because you're hurt over this incident, but more because this incident is quite indicative of her character (no integrity) and how she views you (like a yo-yo). You deserve better friends.
Thanks Alex, I completely agree with you. Canceling on me would have been okay if she had forewarned me. I dont want to lose her friendship, but she has been weirdly focused on internet dating lately, to the point where no one else matters. Like she made plans with me to hang out this weekend and then it turned out it was just a means to meet some other guy off the net who was taking her for a mini vacation on the beach front in jersey.It's like, why do so many women abandon their friends for sub par men?